27.02.2016. Exactly five years ago, my mom “exchanged mortality for immortality”. It’s been a tough five years for me — I have been sad, happy and everything in between. I have cried a lot as well. While my dad died 25 years before my mom, I don’t think I have missed him as much as I have missed my mom. About four years ago, I asked her grand kids to share some lessons they learned from her and some of those lessons and what I learned are what I am sharing today.
- Prayer works/serve God: I’ve not met someone who prayed as much as my mom did, especially as she did most of her praying lying on her side! I remember in high school, once she got back from work, she prayed. After praying, she made lunch, ate and then prayed again! Never saw my mom attend a vigil or go from one prayer house to another but she prayed, a lot. I took a lot of chances because I knew I had a praying mom. Mummy not only prayed, she served God. And also encouraged anyone around her to serve God. For many years after I started work, she’d call me and ask what church I was attending. After I answer her, she’d ask “so what do you do in the church?”. This was a constant and it partially led me to start the ‘worker’s training program’ at the church I attended (I dislike that word — worker).
- Rest: this is one lesson I know I’ve tried to imbibe, to a fault. The medical and social benefits of rest are well documented. Mummy always took a nap, daily, between 3pm and 5pm. While her teaching job in Oyo is vastly different from the hustle and bustle life of the cities we live in, it is still important for us to take time to rest. Drop the phone for a few minutes, ignore Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter and the gossip blogs for a few hours. Rest! Resting helps you to ‘recharge your batteries’. Take that power nap. Book a weekend getaway where all you do is sleep, read and eat. Your body will be grateful to you for it!
- Be punctual: Mom was always punctual — whether she was going to work, a party, visiting someone, etc. I don’t remember ever going to school late. I was almost always one of the first people to get to school. While I sometimes deliberately want to be late for events, I find it hard.
- Always make excuses for people: there was a time Grandma asked after a friend of mine that she knew and I told her I was mad at something she did, she told me to make an excuse and call the friend to listen to her side. I did and at the end of the conversation, after proper explanation it was not something I had to keep a grudge over. (I don’t know how mummy did it. She had an excuse for everyone, even when it is obvious that the person has done something wrong. And she never had a bad word about anyone. I make bold to say that she was a freak of nature!)
- Plan ahead: whenever grandma had an event or she was going somewhere, she would always call me to her room to help pick out her entire outfit from a matching bag to the slippers, then proper jewelry and a matching gele. I guess that’s why she was never late.
- Waste not, want not: whenever Grandma caught me wasting food or wasting tissue she would use the phrase, “Waste not want not”. It simply means if you use a commodity or resource carefully and without extravagance you will never be in need.
- Attention to detail: I remember when I was young, during one of the holidays with her she noticed I had some health problems and took me to see a nurse only for us to discover I had Hernia. Her attention to detail was amazing even for the smallest of things. When sweeping, if I missed a spot she’d call me to re do it till it was perfect. My biggest learning point from my internship was attention to detail.
- Be a good person: She taught me how to be a good person who people loved to have around. She was very down to earth and genuinely cared for other people. Everybody knew her everywhere! And it wasn’t because she made the loudest noise. She had a quiet confidence that was no doubt powerful and impactful and drew people to her. Even the gatemen on the street knew her! She would always greet as she walked by and would sometimes change money and give them 100 naira each. It wasn’t much but they appreciated the gesture very much. We should all be mindful about the impact we have on those around us and how we make the impact. Again, it’s not by noise as Adekunle Gold put it “ariwo ko ni music” 😀
- Communication: She was also a great communicator. She always kept in touch with everyone. Many older people have this wrong belief that it’s the younger person that should always call…as if the phone traffic only works one way. But Grandma was not like that, she would always call to greet and say hello. It didn’t have to be a long conversation but people always knew she cared. I think it’s something we can all learn. My brother does it very well. Perhaps we can all borrow a leaf from his and grandma’s books!
They say time heals all wounds or makes things better, however, losing my mom is one wound that time won’t heal. You lived a good life and I could not have had a better mom. While your shoes are too big to fill, we strive daily to live up to your ideals. Continue to enjoy the company of angels and the “cloud of witnesses”.
And like I wrote in the tributes at your funeral, thank you for everything. I love you and I miss you a lot mom.
